The Great Relaxo-Couch and its Number One Potato

When I was in my mid-20s, the love of my life was a couch. It was a futon sofa, specifically, and it was supposed to convert into a double bed, but the futon frame was broken and hardly functional since the day we met. Which was appropriate, because so was I. 


I recovered the futon frame from the alley behind my 35th Street condo, next to a dumpster between my building and the adjacent apartment complex. At the start of every college break (the end of every college semester), that no-man’s land between the two buildings served as Purgatory for various pieces of furniture and junk.


I noticed the futon frame there one day, and it looked to be in decent shape. I called a friend to come over and inspect it with me. [A good rule of thumb — never dumpster dive alone.] The futon frame was solid wood, and we couldn’t find anything overtly wrong with it.       


Had either one of us been an engineer, we might have noticed the problem right away. But we were not engineers. We were girls talking about futon frame paint colors as we lugged it up three flights of stairs, one section at a time. Back in my living room, we reassembled the frame so I could start cleaning it up. It was then when we discovered the source of its dysfunction.  


The frame was missing a bolt.


The bolt must have fallen out when its corresponding slat of wood split and broke. Turns out that the split slat was a pivotal piece of the frame. It was the piece that pivoted during the frame’s transformation from couch to bed. The boltless split slat also served as a buttress. It was responsible for maintaining the platform’s horizontal position on one end of the bed.


With a broken buttress of a boltless split slat, that end of the bed tended to fold up on itself, so it looked more like a V than an H.


Suffice to say the broken piece rendered one half of its function useless, which is why it ended up in the alley in the first place, but no matter. The futon was a more comfortable bed when it was a couch and not a bed, mostly because of the brand new futon mattress I bought for it.


I also remember the source of my dysfunction – the end of a turbulent relationship and the beginning of living alone for the first time in my life. In fact, Id recently moved into my first official home — a 650 square foot condo with a loft and a spiral staircase, centrally located about two miles north of the Texas State Capitol.


I had never owned a home before. And, since I’d never lived alone before either, I didn’t know what to do with myself or my living space, but I was determined to embrace the change. I made some repairs. Patched walls. Upgraded countertops. And I filled it with things. My things. Borrowed things. Colorful things. Found things. Made things. And it wasn’t long before I was content living there with my dysfunctional couch (and a dog and cat).


I loved what that couch represented as much as I loved what it had to give. It seated three comfortably and often — four if we were all girls. It was good to my guests. It was true to form and multi-functional. It held me up. It gave me comfort. It said, “Don’t leave,” when I didn’t want to leave. And it said, “I’ll be here when you get back,” when I did leave.


It absorbed the tears when I laid my head down and cried on bad days. It withstood an assortment of hot and cold abuse. It even tolerated a rabbit named Pickles. And it was only slightly worse for the wear a year later, when I returned Pickles to the daycare from whence he was rescued. And still it hung in there.


That couch was the core and center of my all-time favorite weekend ritual. On many a Saturday morning, I would climb out of bed in my loft, stagger down the spiral staircase and crawl onto the couch, flip on PBS, and lay around half the day watching cooking shows and drifting in and out of catnaps. Sometimes that luxury stretched all the way through the afternoons.


I was no fool. I knew a good thing when I had it, and I knew that someday I’d look back on the experience and smile. In 2000, I left the futon frame for two salmon-colored chairs in Washington, D.C. Sometimes I miss those lazy afternoons with the great relaxo-couch. Sometimes I look back and smile.

About Charlie Fern

Strategic Communications Consultant
Owner, Principal of Charlie Fern Ink, LLC

Charlene “Charlie” Fern has spent 26 years in communications — as a journalist in Texas in California; and as a press attaché and media advisor for elected officials and business executives in Texas, Washington, D.C., and New Jersey, as an adjunct professor of public relations, and as the founder and principal of a strategic communications consultancy, which is now in its 13th year.

Ms. Fern has worked as speechwriter in the Texas Governor’s Office, the Texas Attorney General’s Office, and the White House. She served as director of executive communications for Merck & Co., Inc (then the world’s second-largest pharmaceutical company). She has also taught public relations at the university level.

In 2003 Ms. Fern launched Charlie Fern Ink, LLC, a privately owned strategic communications consultancy. Her clients include musicians and celebrities, professional athletes, executives, diplomats, opinion leaders, global and government leaders, elected officials, corporate boards and CEOs, non-profit founders and leaders, and other writers, public speakers and public relations professionals. She provides strategic communications counsel in a broad range of industries including music and entertainment, health and medicine, government, education, high-tech startups, small businesses, national franchises, Fortune-500 to Fortune 10 companies, government agencies, trade associations, advocacy groups and non-profit organizations.

She has volunteered as a board member or advisor for causes including the Austin Children’s Shelter; Friends of Texas Public Schools (she co-founded and served as a board member for this statewide non-profit through 2008); A Happy Healthy Child; They Often Cry Outreach (TOCO); Mobile Loaves and Fishes; the Wright House Wellness Center and the Texas Book Festival. She has served as Chairwoman of the Texas Book Festival’s Children’s Entertainment Committee in 2009, 2011, 2012, and 2013.

Ms. Fern has served as an adjunct professor of public relations at St. Edward’s University in Austin, Texas, and she continues to lecture at colleges, universities, conferences and forums on subjects including leadership, the art of storytelling as a global business tool, writing and communications in life and management, effective leadership, public relations, strategic engagement and deployment of personal and professional communications, social media, event planning, and corporate, politics and government communications.

Charlie Fern Ink, LLC, is a strategic communications consultancy that provides services including public relations and publicity, tour and media management, strategic message development and deployment, media relations and media training, executive coaching, speech writing and public speaking coaching, event planning, social media strategy; cross-platform branding, and professional writing and editing with areas of expertise that include international relations, business, and diplomacy; government, education, non-profit/advocacy, music and entertainment, healthcare, biotech, technology, social media, entrepreneurial/startup and general professional communications. She presently lives and works from her home studio in Austin, Texas.

Accolades

“This is like a big Hollywood party,” exclaimed NBC’s Chris Matthews after the entertainment at the Kuwaiti embassy dinner Tuesday celebrating Marvin Hamlisch’s birthday. Truth be told, it was actually more like a night on Broadway. What’s not to love: Hostess Rima Al-Sabah’s dinner … and Ambassador Salem Al-Sabah’s witty speech, incorporating titles of the honoree’s songs (“Nobody Does It Better,” “Ordinary People,” “Sunset, Lollipops and Rainbows”) introduced the show.

— The Washington Times, May 18, 2007

“Charlie Fern has the ability to take complex information and quickly turn it into meaningful material for the general reader. Her greatest talent is in her ability to create memorable language and with her assistance over the years she has opened many doors for me to be of greater service to this community.

“As a non-profit executive director her assistance has allowed me to effectively communicate with the media, government leaders on every level, grantors and big money donors. As a result there are hundreds of people in Austin living an enhanced quality of life. Whether it is an abused child, an individual living with HIV/AIDS or the hungry, Charlie Fern knows just how to craft the argument to get the attention of your audience. I could not recommend her more highly.”

– Susan Wills, MS, LPC Executive Director, the Wright House Wellness Center.

“Charlie Fern has a lot to offer a professional communicator. Her expertise in platform building and speech preparation helped our team provide a top-notch product to our CEO in a timely manner.”

– Linda Rutherford, Vice President, Public Relations and Community Affairs Southwest Airlines

“Outstanding. Top Notch. Best ever. These are some of the responses we received … on this year’s Zhone Tech…They also mirror the reaction from our staff, partners and organizers. What distinguishes my commentary from the others is my full awareness of the substantial role that you played in the terrific success that we enjoyed. I am grateful for not only your expertise and your exceptional gift for prose, but also for your patience and dedication in working under demanding and often unreasonable conditions. Throughout the ordeal you demonstrated nothing less than composure and professionalism. It has been my pleasure to have had the opportunity to work with you on this outstanding engagement.”

– David Markowitz, VP Marketing, Zhone Technology

“Charlie Fern is an alliance partner of Excel Meetings and Events and provides speech writing and coaching to our corporate clients. She has an impeccable background and brings exceptional professionalism to her work. As an alliance partner, she is an invaluable asset to our business.”

– Jon Wollenhaupt, Vice President, Excel Meetings and Events

“I have been honored by the friendship of my colleagues in the White House speechwriting department: Michael Gerson, Pete Wehner, Matthew Scully…Charlene Fern… — altogether the finest presidential speechwriting team since Alexander Hamilton and James Madison collaborated on Washington’s Farewell Address.”

– David Frum, The Right Man: The Surprise Presidency of George W. Bush

Clients

Ms. Fern has worked extensively in both the public and private sectors, with celebrities, musicians, government leaders, heads of state, corporate executives and board members. Her strategic communication consultancy includes speechwriting and coaching, public relations and marketing, media training, public speaking and teaching.

On Stage:

She delivers motivational speeches and informative lectures nationwide to groups of all sizes. Topics include leadership, strategic communication, public relations (including case studies), and her experiences as a speechwriter in the Texas Governor’s Office and at the White House (where she worked on 9-11).

Clients and Industries:

Ms. Fern works with clients on-site, on the road or virtually. She and her team handle each project and every client with the utmost care, professionalism and discretion. Our experience includes work in areas that include:

Airlines
Celebrities
Colleges and Universities
Diplomatic Corps – Ambassadors and Heads of State
Event Planning
Education – Early Childhood to University Instruction
Elected Officials
Embassies – worldwide
Entrepreneurs – CEOs and Boards
Foundations – Local to International
Fortune-500 to Fortune-5 Companies
Franchises – executives and Franchisees
Government – Federal
Government – State
Healthcare
High Tech
Music and musicians – artists, songwriters and labels
Non-Profits
Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
Oil and Gas
Pharmaceutical
Political candidates
Professional athletes (NFL, olympic stars, etc)
Public Relations, Marketing and Advertising
Real Estate and Realtors
Specialized businesses
Start-ups

In the News

Rolling Stone Magazine Interview of Charlie Fern

St. Edward’s University magazine interview of Charlie Fern

Article on Speechwriting and Geopolitics

Interview with the Garden Island

2016 TIPA Hall of Fame Announcement

Gulf Coast Business and Professional Women

Services

What do we do around here? The ABCs and 123s of this strategic communications consultancy include nearly every service you can imagine across the wide world of professional communication and human interaction. Our services include, but are not limited to:

• Strategic communications consulting
• Speechwriting and coaching
• Communication plans
• Message strategies
• Executive briefings & correspondence
• Corporate, government & non-profit white papers
• Professional document editing and optimizing
• Publishing industry editing & writing
• Event planning
• Public relations plans, strategies and tactics
• Public service announcements
• Press releases & media advisories
• News & opinion editorial writing
• Public speaking & lectures
• Media – writing and training

Contact Charlie for more details.

Writing & Resources

As a journalist, Ms. Fern wrote and edited in all styles – hard news, lifestyles, sports, columns and editorials. More than 20 years later, she continues to write for all media and consults a national list of clients in the art and skill of writing and public communications, including public relations and strategic messaging. When she is not a featured writer, or featured as a writer in the news, she lectures at the university level and delivers seminars and motivational speeches to organizations and groups nationwide.

You will have heard Ms. Fern’s speeches on national television, national and international radio. You will have read her work in prominent newspapers and magazines worldwide. And on this Web site, you will find examples of her own writing on a myriad of personal and professional topics — from leadership and public speaking to storytelling and strategic communications. You’ll also find blogs, essays, and speeches, quotes, and writing tips by Charlie and her staff, here and elsewhere on this site. We hope you’ll find this information both useful (if you’re considering our services) and entertaining (if you’re just browsing for fun and inspiration). And if you want to stay put on this page, you’ll find a few samples below.

Personal Blog Posts:

Eight months pregnant and counting

Extolling the virtues of baby containing contraptions

Excerpt from memoirs:

A small excerpt

On Writing:

The Dirty Dozen of Grammatical Errors

Tips and Tricks

Newsletters:

Imagine Greater Possibilities