I dislike rude awakenings, in any form. The other day I caught a glance of myself (or rather my side-self) on film, and I was astonished to discover that the lower half of my face has been swept away by some sort of turbo-mandibular landslide. In fact, my chin has almost completely disappeared into my neck.
At first I thought that lump in my throat was a sentimental thing that comes along with motherhood. Nope. It's the jawbone in my esophagus.
I've apparently inherited the jowls of an old British man, which explains a lot because my ancestors are from the U.K. (they're English, Irish, and Scottish).
There's a dash of German in there somewhere, but my brother got all of that because there's enough real estate below his mouth to support both a chin and a cleft.
Scientists may have formulated theories about the receding hairline, but what of the disappearing jaw? What would Charles Darwin have said about the receding chin? Would he have compared it to the early hominid tailbone and proclaimed it unnecessary after 5,000 years? What the hell kind of evolutionary feature is that?
What I really want to know is, why do so many British people have weak chins, and why did I have to inherit one?
Did my ancestors' facial muscles so repeatedly contort from snorting and saying "Wuhl, oy deunt know" that the entire bottom half of their faces finally caved in? Maybe they thought it was better to "keep a stiff upper lip" than to heed the advice to "chin up". Regardless, someone should have realized that if they kept doing that to their faces, they'd eventually get stuck that way.
I always assumed that my British grandmother's mouth was agape because of something I said. Now I realize it was just a flat jaw. I won't stand for it, I tell you. I don't want to evolve. I want my jawline back.
Labels: ancestors, Charles Darwin, chin, England, evolution, jaw, mandible, weak chin